Has 6++ years of rock-solid, I'll-be-there-for-you-and-you'll-be-there-for-me, I've-got-your-back-and-you've-got-mine friendship gone down the proverbial drain?? Have we really actually learnt anything, anything at all from each other or about each other that we're ignorant to their feelings despite calling ourselves 'damn good friends'.

Have we completely morphed into a totally different person altogether in the midst of our polytechnic life that we forget where we come from, where our roots were & most importantly, who were our first real friends?? Have we forgotten what it's like to be that little ugly duckling sitting in a corner, shy to go up to people & ask for a simple polite request, depending on your friends ask for you, knowing that despite everything, they'd go to the ends of the earth for you if you'd ask??

Have we forgotten what it's like to be the one at the bottom of the social ladder now that we're top of the world?? Have we forgotten our true self?? More importantly, have we forgotten how well our old friends know us inside out despite us wearing an invisible mask to show the rest of the world?? Have we forgotten that the people whom you look down upon were the people whom brought you up to where you are now??

The past week has made me feel that I need my old friends more than ever now that a friendship crisis is underway. What happened to the phrase, "No matter what happens, we'll always have each other."?? Did it just go down the drain just like what our friendship is undergoing?? It's easy to pretend to be someone you're not...but, only true friends, old friends know you best. With the exception of your Mom, that is.

I need my old friends more than ever. The past week has made me realize that & now, I cling to the notion that I don't ever want to let them go. No matter if something troubles me, no matter if I have something good to share about, I would definitely run to them for they are my sanctuary. It's harder for me because I'm the only one from a diferent school. It's harder because our timetables clash. It's harder because they're so near yet so far. It's harder because the majority of them meet up more than I do. No, there's no jealousy. There's only wistfulness. It makes me want to see them more.

I'm proud of my old gang. As I've stated many times in here, they're the ones who molded & humbled me into who I am. I've said it once, twice, whatever & I'll say it again many, many times to come. Why should I be ashamed of them?? I love them all the more. I don't understand why some refuse to acknowledge their old friends while in the presence of their new ones. What's the motive?? What do you stand to lose?? Your dignity?? That you actually bother to contact the old guys is actually an embarrssing subject to you?? Might as well cease all friendship. More importantly, what do you gain by turning away your old friends?? A pact with that newbie that you yourself know wouldn't be a true one??

My friends are my all. I won't deny that. True, we all change. But heck, we all remain true to ourselves. And to our friends. We don't go around acting differently in front of some friends then act another in front of other friends. Like, what the heck, right!?

And then there's the new group of my friends. The Chill Club. We go jamming. But our lead guitarist is so damn bossy & inconsiderate sometimes that he doesn't know he's wedging an invisible barrier between him & his bandmates. Every chord, every note, every song, every instrument must be done his way. It's my way or the highway, is his perception. A bandmate complained to us girls that his treatment reeks of control king. He's not considerate of those whom aren't as talented as himself & will push & push at the poor bugger who can't do it right despite trying his hardest until the fella just explodes.

That happened on one of our jam sessions when the song 'Vindicated' was requested to be played by none other than Mr. Control King himself. Won't go into details, though. I'd laugh myself off my chair if I did. But in any situation, everyone gets at least 3 dressing downs form Mr. Musically Inclined. The bassist gets it, the drummer gets it, even the poor tone-deaf singer gets it. It's like, dude, calm down & cut them some slack, okay??

The bassist just learned how to strum a bloody guitar & here you are shouting at him because he didn't memorize the chords like you wanted him to. Come on buddy, these things take time, you gotta understand that. When the drummer's drumsticks flew out of his hands, he gets it, too. Come on, the drummer's just too enthu; he loves drumming & just because it caused a little interruption, you want to blow up??

And the singer?? Once you're tone-deaf, you're tone-deaf. Period. Take it easy on things, man. I know you demand perfection. But, it's not like he chose to be tone-deaf. He's trying his hardest. Of course, us girls never got any hairdryer treatment since we're fresh newbies but I guess our time will come. The way our lead guitarist treats his bandmates it's as though they're music slaves instead of them making music because of the love for it.

Been having great days & not-so-great days so far. Everyone is still as fake as ever in class. But, like what the heck, right?? I don't owe them anything. Performing tomorrow at NYP's Open House at noon & hmmm...having mixed feelings about it. Can't hardly wait but damn, it's been a heck of a while since I performed & in front of a heee-uuuuge live audience, no less. Guh!! I just hope my scored don't fly with the wind or something, or halfway through my playing, I realize I'm playing the bloody wrong song.

Just recovered from a bout of fever. Am now grounded by Mom & Dad for some reason or other. Don't wanna talk about it. So sad. Won't be able to go out for awhile now. Shitterooz!!

Man United won against Liverpool at Anfield on Saturday...yesssss-arh!! 1-0, baby!! And a goal from Rooney, no less. To top that off, Singapore won the Toger Cup. Finally!! After a grueling match against Indonesia, I guess they do deserve to win. Even if I didn't get tickets to watch the match & was grounded from going to Mada's house to watch the match with Jan, Chippy & Kitty, I was contented enough to watch it at home. Even though I was the noisiest & that no one was shouting together with me. My sis only cared for Baihakki...like, whateverrrrr...

Met up with the old gang at East Coast for the homecoming of Mr. Mohd who taught us freakin' Art when we were still kiddies in uniforms. Even though I flunked & sucked at Art, he taught me other things outside of the school curriculum; he was there for us during our school's very first musical production -where I played the role of a reporter, no surprises there- & was with us every step of the way.

*Sighz...Those were the days...

Laterz...
Lenny JC