Allahyarham Muhd. Aidil Bin Ja'afar...11 March 1984 - 1st September 2007

I was going to do an entry about my birthday, just as I had promised. But then again, there are more important things in life than birthdays and not everything revolves around myself. So I decided to dedicate this entry to Allahyarham Aidil who returned to His arms just recently. He was 23. He's the one in the first row wearing the white Polo T.

So I received a call Saturday morning at around 6am just before I awoke to do my morning prayers. I was at the grandmother's and usually if there's a phonecall at this kind of ungodly hour, it either bears bad news or bears the offerings of breakfast by one of my uncles.

But that Saturday, it was Fartz calling to tell me that Fala from The Old Gang had sent her a text regarding the death of one of our secondary schoolmates. Seriously, it didn't sink in at first --like all other bad news-- and I dumbfoundedly had little to none reaction until we hung up. And then I called Fartz back to ask for Fala's number because really, do you expect me to rack up my brain for a handphone number at dawn?? Heck, I wouldn't even be able to recite my own home number if you asked me to.

So I rang Fala up and yes, it was confirmed. After taking wudhu and praying Subuh, I sat down numbly on the edge of Nanny's bed wide-eyed. Aidil. Gone. Just like that.

Because the news was still frensh and unbelieveable in my mind I couldn't sleep. I called Fala back and found her to be in the same state as myself. We discussed the situation and whatever she knew from Nini --which wasn't much, really. It was just that he had been in a motorcycle accident and that a few of our friends plus our teacher were at the hospital with the deceased.

Instantly we brought up old memories of Aidil and how we were all connected to him.

It was like life turned a whole 180 degrees. If it were any other Mat Motor, I wouldn't have been that affected. But this was Aidil. Everyone knew his name. He was my art teacher's star pupil. Mr. Mohd doted on him like no other. He was a celebrity. He had dreams that didn't just consist of lazy in the void deck and strumming a guitar. He had dreams of furthering his studies after he completed his ITE and Higher Nitec education.

Heck, he dated one of my ex-classmates and back when the two of us were close I was always the lampost that followed them home. Later on, I despised my classmate for being such a bleargh but I never despised him. The bunch of us were in our school's musical production once although he dropped out halfway to partipate as Guard of Honor for our school's Official Opening ceremony.

Fala and I conversed for quite some time until it was time for me to go. I had chores around Nanny's house to do which included vacuuming the living room. I'd already done the three rooms upstairs and the vacuum upstairs is EVIL, I tell you. It has a complete mind of its own and I felt like throwing the thing against the wall.

Anywayz.

We arranged to meet up after the folks finished their morning shopping at Pasar Tani and would come to pick me up. Yeah, that's a street market in JB that only opens on Saturday and Monday mornings. It's like an early sunrise bazaar that is really a feast for the senses. You feel like gobbling up everything from these street vendors. I love having grilled deer meat (venison) and the homemade Satay. Different stalls sell different things so you get a plethora of gastronomical delights.

Fartz's actual reason for calling was to inform me of the family's temporary departure. Only that instead of ending with the usual goodbye, she said "Ohh by the way. Sis Fala messaged me to tell you that your friend Aidil passed away."

My reply?? "Uhm...yeah. Okay. Who, again?"

After being on the phone with Fala and answering a string of questions from Nanny, I headed towards the bathroom with eyes at half-mast. And yet I felt fully alert. The initial shock hadn't really sunk in yet. Fala said if she went to the funeral she would definitely start bawling. Me, I wasn't too sure. During my uncle's funeral I had cried bathtubs. I cried enough to probably last me another 3 more funerals.

Don't get me wrong. My eyes stung when we arrived at the deceased's house and I saw his face for the first time in years. I had rushed home, threw on my baju kurung, quickly ironed my tudung and drove off to Punggol to pick Fala up first because Nini couldn't make it and then to Sengkang to fetch Nur. It was also the home of the deceased.

It stung because the truth didn't lie. He was there in the flesh. Just not alive and kicking it. On the way to park my car we could see the void deck being swarmed by Mat Motors who came to bid him goodbye. There were probably around fifty bikes. And the first person I passed by and waved to had to be my ex-crush. And I only realized it after I turned my head sideways and got a quick look.

"Shit, I just waved to Muzaffar," I groaned to the other two. "Out of all the frickin' people."

Muzaffar hates my guts too. Hates, hated, will forever hate, whatever. Just because I used to like him. Loser.

Like Fala mentioned before. It was like a high school reunion for all the wrong reasons. We were going to be seeing people whom we didn't want to see, people we wanted to see, people whom we used to like then but didn't like now, people whom we didn't like before but liked now as well as people whom we didn't like then much less now.

I parked Munsta and we all headed to the second floor despite Faris's warning that there were all guys outside. Because we were late, all the other girls had gone inside and the house was full.

So we stood quietly outside when the group of Mat Motors from downstairs decided to come join us. We moved towards the front, not wanting to be part of THAT group, obviously. I stood in squashed between Fala and Nur and was bending down to adjust my sandals when a familiar Malay-surfer-dude kinda voice called out beside me.

"E'ehh, Lenny!!"

Time stood still as my finger froze within the inside of my sandal.

"Oh my God, it's Lenny lahh!!"

Filled with dread, I reluctantly looked up to a toothy smart-ass grin belonging to my ex-classmate Jefril. Shit.

Jefril: Ehh, you dah slim ehh. *points* Ehh friends, look!! It's Lenny lahh.
Me: *wary smile* Errrr, yeah. Can you please not do that??
Jefril: You look cute in tudung. *turns around to Mat Motor friends* Everybody, look!! It's Lenny!! You recognize her?? It's Lenny!!
Me: *irritated* Can you like, keep quiet?? What's wrong with you?? Here I am trying NOT to be recognized --
Jefril: Not recognized?? Ehh, where can?? Come on, EVERYBODY knows the name Lenny, man.
Me: *dies on the spot and covers face with side of hand as all the Mat Motors look amused*
Jefril: *turns to Fala* Ehh Fala, you wear tudung look like Bibik (Indonesian for Auntie but he prolly meant it in a more kampong-like way).
Me: *covers mouth trying not to laugh* You're evil. *sputtered laughter*
Nur: Shh. You're so loud lahh, Jefril. This is a funeral, you know.
Jefril: Come on, we haven't seen each other for so long. Catch up, lahh.
Me: Catch up!?! This is not the time and place, okay?? You're crazy. GO away.

Suddenly one of the Mat Motors whipped out his foldable songkok and arranged it on his head.

Me (before I could help myself): E'ehhh!! So cute!!
Jefril: *eyes widens* Ehh, Fairuz. Lenny said you're cute. Oh my God, she said you're cute!! Unbelieveable.
Fairuz: *blush*

What the heck, you gotta be kidding me, I thought to myself. Then I remembered. Back in secondary school, I didn't outrightly call guys cute. I wasn't as outrageous then as I am now. Probably because my level of self-confidence wasn't really high. Though I am unsure why. I performed onstage almost every year and never ever got stage fright. And yet, I was afraid. I was still as feisty, of course. But there was a certain level of openness that I wasn't willing to bring out.

See, this is what Fala meant when she said we were going to see people whom we didn't want to see. I haven't seen Jefril since we graduated and he hasn't changed. He and his cemented tooth. Anywayz, apparently Muzaffar is part of THAT group. And apparently he was just standing behind Nur and another guy. So apparently he would have heard everything. Why would he not?? Jefril was like a loud-haler the teachers used to apply on us as shouting devices and round-up alarms.

We decided we didn't want to stand with the Mat Motors so with another round of shuffling, we made our way back to where we started.

"Muzaffar is not handsome," I remarked to the girls.

"No," Nur agreed.

"He looks like a typical Mat," I said again.

I don't know why I used to like him in the first place. Blind, blind, blind. I have since met guys who look a gazillion times better than he does. And they don't hate me. Imbecile.

Seriously, seeing all these people really brought back a part of my past that I tried so hard to leave behind and ignore. The current people in life, I don't think they know much about my past just as much as I am unsure of theirs. Sure, there are memories from that period that I would never forget. I spent four years with these people. Technically, it was my growing-up stage.

But there are just some things meant to be buried and stay buried.

Anywayz.

We did get a chance to see the body eventually when most had cleared out. Even then, it was another crush as we all stood to look at the wrapped deceased with only his face shown. It was a heart-wrenching sight. That would be the only word to describe it. My knees shook and my palms were damp.

I didn't cry as much as I had during my uncle's funeral but the tears I shed were tears not of sadness of his passing. It was more of a sadness that his dreams were not meant to be fulfilled.

I turned around and sure enough, Fala's eyes were red-rimmed. Nur was sniffing. IThe air filled with an eerie silence that was heavy with remorse that can only be associated with death. The Mat Motors gathered around their friend but when it came to the real deal of praying for the deceased, none of them stepped up to the plate except a select few.

So it was as a bunch of guys stayed behind for the 4-count prayer. I asked the girls if any of them were going to pray. Both declined. Mom had reminded me to pray for the deceased because it was good for both the deceased and the person praying for it. Since I had already taken wudhu before I came, I didn't worry about using the bathroom. The only worry I had was whether or not there were other females who were going to pray with me. I told myself if there was no one, then I had better not.

But along came Mdm Noreha, my English teacher. I had salam-ed her moments ago and when I saw what it looked like preparing for prayers, I asked if she was going to. I got a positive answer and took our places behind the men. We were joined by Raihani, one of Aidil's ex-classmates and after everyone gathered the prayers started.

The death manager was quite the preacher. Because he knew that the majority of the visitors were youths, he targetted his speech towards us and the unworthiness of missing our prayers. Of course, I felt the sting too since I am no saint.

"You want a surefire way of being guaranteed to safety," he said, "don't forget your prayers. And always remember Him and his power and be thankful to Him. Because it is not worth it to do otherwise. You will be the one losing out."

And he reminded us to also say prayers to not only the deceased but to everyone we lost before him.

Aiyaiyai Muchachos. Hello, so emo can?? I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I did my prayers. I wanted to sob.

I found out from Mdm Noreha that Aidil had gone back to East Spring to see her for Teacher's Day and had stayed and waited until he finally met her. Thankfully he did. At least she got to unknowingly say her last goodbye. The next thing she knew, she was getting an SMS the next day from Aidil's ex-schoolmate in an odd statement.

"Mdm Noreha, semalam arwah datang jumper you."

Mdm Noreha, yesterday the deceased came to see you.

Of course, she got a shock and thought it was a prank. She didn't know that the same boy who visited her at school the afternoon before had now passed away. Friends of Aidil said it was a hit and run and that the culprit was a lorry driver. Full details have yet to be known. Everyone I asked just told me it was an accident.

Initially we were going to see Shafa's new baby girl who was being babysat at Sengkang. But after hearing from everyone that they were going to the cemetary, we changed our plans because if we went to see the baby it meant we couldn't go to the cemetary and vice versa. I had no problems driving the distance because hey man, to me, the farther the better.

It would mean driving more and would therein mean improving my driving.

But I didn't know how to get to Lim Chu Kang. I asked Faris if I could follow his bike and he agreed. I brought the car around and the girls plus Shafa hopped in. And before we knew it, Faris was gone without so much as a wham, bam, hey-I'm-gone-with-my-Vespa ma'am.

Yeah, I didn't tell him not to go so fast.

Another thing was, the bikers weren't taking the TPE/SLE. They were supposedly going to top up petrol and then proceed by the back way. Unknowingly, I followed the big group of bikers WHO REFUSED TO SIGNAL AND HOGGED BOTH THE RIGHT AND STRAIGHT LANES. Morons.

And the best thing was, there was this daredevil who thought he was being clever. Just as my car stopped at the red light and all the bikers moved right, this idiot thought it would be better to take the TPE/SLE and suddenly cut left right across the T-junction.

I shouted, "Bloody hell!! Eeeeeeediot. Hello, asshole your friend just died because of a biking accident and now you're pulling a stunt like this?? It would serve you right if you got hit. Moron!!"

Ohh yeah, I'm a road rage driver by the way. I don't like to honk my horn but I do like to curse and swear drivers who do stupid things on the road. I have yet to flash my middle finger to anyone and though it seems tempting, I'll wait until my triangle has been removed.

So I had to do a U-turn somewhere up front and head back to the SLE because hey, that's where the route started, right?? And although we didn't exactly know how to get there we got help from Fala's dad whom she called along the way. We also missed our exit and I had to drive for ten minutes to find another one, make another U-turn and head back to exit at Old Choa Chu Kang where there would be sign pointing to Jalan Bahar.

You'd think after all that we'd be at the cemetary right away. Nope. We then proceeded to go to the wrong cemetary and went on a tour around the old cemetary before heading off towards the new one with directions at hand.

Drama, seyy.

How's that for my first roadtrip, ehh?? It was such a LONG ride there. And come on, usually when I go to cemetaries, I don't drive. I sleep at the back.

I parked Munsta behind the whole group of bikes belonging to the Mat Motors. Seriously, these guys should start a federation or something. Anywayz, the plot was full of people, mostly Aidil's friends. Or more like a contingency. At first we stayed in the car because one, girls aren't encouraged to visit cemetaries and two, Shafa just had a baby.

If she went out and then came in contact with her baby right after, it would be risky if she brought back things with her from the cemetary. Things that usually stay in the cemetary. Faris texted in to say he could see us having fun in the car while he was out on the plot.

Then the knock came. Startled, we looked out to see Mdm Noreha peering into Fala's window and so I wound down the screen.

Me: Ehh, cher. Thought you weren't gonna come.
Mdm Noreha: Ya, I thought so too. I went home because I thought my husband couldn't go. So when he okayed, I brought along my mother-in-law to see my father-in-law's grave. Why you girls not out there??
Fala: Shafa just had a baby.
M.N: Never mind lahh. Then she no need to go out. Only you guys.
Me: OKAY!!

Cher. Man, I miss calling my teachers that. That was like THE language of secondary school punks. It was like a necessity to be calling your teacher Cher.

Just as we ventured out, it started to drizzle and by the time we arrived at the shelter the wind was having a go at us and splattering rain on our bajus. All while Aidil was being brought down to the Earth's soil and bulldozers were busy patting down his new home. Some guys hurried over to the shelter where we stood. The ones remaining stood until the whole process was done, uncaring of the rain pouring down their faces.

And as the guys came by afterwards, Mdm Noreha was busy asking me, "What's his name??" or "Who's this??". Of course, I dutifully told her how much I could.

There was an incident surrounding one of our friends that occurred in the cemetary right in front of my car. But, I shan't disclose the details because seriously, it will take awhile to explain everything.

Again, drama seyy.

All I can say is, I nearly popped a fuse when the front passenger seat of my Munsta was covered in mud. Not that I blame the culprit. It wasn't his fault. It was more like a freak accident of nature. And besides, it could be cleaned up. Although according to Mom after I told her, it wasn't a good anough job since there was still mud caked to the back of the seat.

Owell.

Anywayz, I hope Aidil's funeral was an eye-opener to all who were present. Especially to those Mat Motors who seem to think life is all about risking it. It was kinda like a lesson learnt in disguise whether it was meant to be or otherwise.

Still, life is short. At any given time the Almighty could just pull the plug on us and the next thing we know, we're facing Judgement.

So, live it. Just not stupidly.

Laterz...
Lenny