Playing With Emotions

A very good friend of mine was online on MSN yesterday looking for his lovey. Unfortch for him, she wasn't online so he picked me out instead.

Pssst. Second best, what to do?? Didn't expect anything at all actually & I didn't expect him to click me out of all the people in the world. Especially when I had my status as On The Phone.

But he did & we chatted for awhile. Little things I found out from him not only about himself but also the others, made me smile a bit more but what concerned me was his feelings for his other half. I'm not close or as close to the other half as I used to be before, so I can't deduce from her what's going on between them. Or rather, what's NOT going on between them.

Maybe I don't understand it. But, why must there be feelings of paranoia between a couple regardless of whether they're long-distance or not?? It all boils down to the trust given & taken by each other. They are not the first long-distance couple ever to happen on Earth, and they would not be the last.

I may not be an expert on relationships; hell, I don't even have one to begin with. But what I do know is that in situations like these, trust & honesty play a big part. What would it take for a girl in one part of the world to assure her guy in another continent that she's not fooling around with other people behind his back??

Then integrity comes into the picture. If the girl is moral enough to know that even though her other half can't see her actions, she should know well enough to keep a distance from other males because she's taken. Same goes to the guy.

The psychological aspect of it affects the mind. You begin to play mind games with yourself, constantly conjuring up the worst-case scenarios. Why?? From there, mistrust begins to form & you begin to doubt each other's fidelity. And for what?? At what cost?? Just because your other half isn't with you, in the flesh??

Sure, tons of questions burn your mind. It's natural to worry about the one you love when he/she isn't around you. The protective instinct gets so strong, it's overwhelming. But it has to stop at a point where it gets almost ridiculous. Why torture yourself & lose sleep over all the what ifs??

As long as you know deep in your heart that the bonds you have with your other half are strong enough to withstand all obstacles, there's no reason to doubt. And you know each others' characters enough to know that you'd remain fidel to each other then it's a safe bet that your relationship would go a long way.

You know, even if you love someone so much doesn't necessarily mean you need their physical presence 24/7. Sometimes, just feeling that they're there is enough to push you forward. The knowledge that they're still there, the essence of them; it's sometimes even stronger than if they were beside you in the flesh.

And it doesn't only apply to relationships. Friendships share that basic concept as well. I'm in Nanyang, my 4 very good best of the best friends are studying in Temasek. Our timetables clash & we don't see each other everyday or very often. But we know we'd always be there for each other in times of need. It's instilled in the back of our minds that, it's okay for us to be apart physically because we still think of each other.

I don't know; it may not be the same situation as being a couple. But that's just my opinion. I am only here to hear you out & offer you some advice. It is up to you whether or not you want to welcome it. It may not be the right kind of advice but hopefully, it'll give you some food for thought as you brood over your situation. But isn't part of being a couple being friends too??

I hate to see you losing sleep like that; you know I treat you like a brother, right?? Even though I can't say the same for you. I understand that you miss her loads & it's that alpha male part of you that wants to see her in the skin to know that she's really, really all right. But hold on to the fact that you know she's still here waiting for you. And well, just count down those days till both of you are back together again.

I'm not spilling your name or your connection to me; you know when I'm 'analyzing' other people, I don't do that. That's discrepancy & not in my book. People have their integrity to upkeep too. But you know who you are. Even if you don't come to my blog at all. All the more better for me to rip you apart. Muahahahahahkz!! Okay, lahh. I'm not so mean.

You actually divulged quite a bit of interesting information, which I was delighted to hear. It was totally unexpected to read what I read. I seriously didn't know. It nearly made me cry, you know. Evil bastard.

That few sentences really brought back good memories; memories I thought I'd push right to the back of my head & leave it there. I know they wouldn't be caught dead admitting that fact, especially to me but I'm thankful you did. I can't deny it caught me slightly off-guard & surprised for a few minutes. And I kept asking you if you were 100% certain of what you were saying. It was really nice to know. Really.

Of course, I know it's not because of me or anyone else. Like duhhh...why would the reason to your statement have anything to do with me?? Or any of us, for that matter. You people don't care; you can't stand us. Bottom line.

But you know that we'd welcome you 'with arms wide open' -I had to put these quote marks JIC you get the wrong idea- if ever anyone decides to pop by, right?? So, yeah.

Moving on to other nice stuff to bitch about.

What a day to be having a BHD -Bad Hair Day. Damn. Looking forward to the Black Eyed Peas concert this evening with luv'ly Luis. Ahahahahkz!! Well, I'm not exactly a number one BEP fan, but what the heck right?? Free tickets. So go lahh.

Yesterday, I kinda had a bunch of interesting conversations with people, including the one I just posted on.

Nini wants to matchmake me with a certain good friend of hers from her school. Like, what the heck right?? I think she used to have a slight crush on him before but after thinking & re-thinking about it, she's turned the tables & says that actually I looked better with her friend than she to him. *faints*

And knowing Nini, she'll stop at nothing to get what she wants. Even though she claims that it's for a good cause.

Bloody hell lahh. Do I look like I'm a 'cause' to you?? I've never even met this guy. She asked me the most important question -in my opinion.

ARE YOU GAME??

Am I?? I'm not sure. Freaked out, I am. Caught in the middle, definitely. Sure, I've never been in a relationship; flings, maybe. But not a serious one. Of course it was important that I'd be all up for it because it would just be a waste of everyone's time & effort if I were to show up with a black face & a closed mind.

And if I were game for it, I'd have to be prepared for the risks I'm about to take.

It'll be a new step for me, definitely. I don't know if it could be categorized as a make or break thing.

I finally gave my answer. Yes, I was game. Not only for me, but for Nini as well. I trust her enough.

But I'm not expecting anything. Anticipation & expectations are not my forte. Because if I put something too high up the pedastal & it 'backfires', I'd be stuck in a rut too deep.

I'll just go along & have my own fun. I don't know why Nini bothers with all these but well, I'm sure she means good. Majority of the time, she means good anywayz.

It'll be quite a 'journey' I suppose. I guess it's time I spread my wings a little.

Laterz...
Lenny JC