Yeah, I know I haven't been updating. My fingers just don't seem to have the enthusiasm they used to have before. Ahahahakz!! Anywayz, first up. Thanks Daffie-poo a million gazillion times for that Xabi Alonso feature you did. I wish I could do the same for you but that would just be called copyrighting, right?? Anywayz, I'm sorry to say that I'm a tad too lazy to get pics & save them in my Photobucket album. Sorry. Ahahahakz!!

So anywayz, my Tioman trip with the family was cancelled 'cuz Dad had to supervise the new recruits coming into Shell. Instead, we had to make do with going to Bukom Island for an afternoon of bowling & swimming. Well, I was okay with that. We couldn't bring the other 2 Egyptian kids because they're now down with the chicken pox. Mohamed was the last one to get infected & it was after we came home was then that he got it. So as of now, Fat Ahmed is sleeping over at our place because his Mom couldn't handle another kid having chicken pox to take care of. For us, it was okay, 'cuz I'd already gotten it when I was younger & the rest of my sisters had already taken their vaccinations.

Saturday night was the last of my emo days. It made me realize a few things. You can't please everyone. No matter how hard you try, there will be some that will always find something faulty about something that you've done. Not to say that I'm a perfect person. But just that there will be a group of people who's always out there to get you, to make sure they do everything in their will to bring you down; hell, maybe they'll even resort to other unholy schemes to make sure you fall flat on your face. Don't ask me what kind of schemes, I wouldn't know. Do I look that unholy?? Hmpf!!

But if there's one thing thing I've learnt the most during my whole period here is that, regardless of everything, you should never forget your roots, as in back to basics roots. Those whom cared for you before & are still there for you despite your shortcomings, pitfalls & flaws. These are the people who will stand by you when you're down & even when you're wrong, they would still stand strong with you in believing in who you truly are & not be pitting against you to add more contributions to your downfall.

New or old, those whom really, truly are your friends whom accept you for who you are & not judge you based on what they hear, see or wonder, but really experience it first-hand will always be there for you. Whether you want them to be or not. You might not know it, but you need them more than you think. And this doesn't only apply to the friends basis. Family too, is important. It's where you came from. Your heritage. Your whole life.

I know this sounds like crap but well, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I just want anyone who reads this, be it friend or foe, to remember that little back to basics thing. You don't make new friends & then abandon your old ones. That's not what friends are for. And then later, when none of your newly-made friends are there, only then do you come running back to your old ones.

To Daffie-poo a.k.a Luis Garcia, I only knew you this year, but it seems like we've known each other for so long. I can click with you just like that. I am so honored to have known you for this period of time because I think, without your presence, I'd be rotting in my lab chair right now. Those bus rides home together; you taking advantae of my shoulder as your pillow & me taking advantage of your company by not letting you sleep. Bitch. Ahahahakz!! You've taken a lot of my nonsense; I feel like I don't deserve your sincere friendship because knowing that you've got your own problems, I went on to plague you with mine. I am SUCH a selfish bitch. You should slap me when I do that the next time, okay?? I really need to be independent now. I can't always rely on you all the time because I also have to realize that you won't always be there for me. Nonetheless, thank you so very much. I think you've seen alot of my bad sides but even then, you refused to be unnerved by it. I'm so sorry if ever, I hurt your feelings with whatever I'd said or done. You don't know how much your friendship means to me. Love you lots, bitch. I'll see ya in training.

To Michelle, I guess at first I kinda took you & all of GB11 for granted, thinking that you guys would always be there, thinking that we'd both always be included. I'm sorry for crying like that in front of you, I guess I should've expected that sooner or later, we'd all so-call go our separate ways. I must've looked & sounded like fuck. I should've been stronger for both of us, but I guess reality sucks sometimes, huh?? That day was like a double blow for me; I mean, you were there. You knew what happened. But I guess I really shouldn't expect so much from people, huh?? Sometimes, I put people up on a pedestal so high like as though they could never do any wrong. But we're all human. We ALL make mistakes. And I think I've done my lion's share of that. You don't know how much your frequent visits mean to me. At least, if I can't see them as much now, I get to see you. You've always been there for me, and somehow, I feel as though I've taken your visits for granted. I feel sooooo bad sometimes, you know?? I don't know why. Maybe I'm not appreciating you more than I should. Which is again, selfish of me. Girl, I'm sorry. I really am.

To Raizan, my loyal, overprotective, honeybun hubby. Raizan, I know you're concerned about my reputation & you've been repeatedly telling me to go for a confrontation, but it's complicated. I know you said to me that I'm not the Lenny you once knew. That the old Lenny was more fierce, more protective of her rights. The old Lenny would fight back tooth & nail just to prove others wrong. But you gotta understand. I know Michelle does. If I continue to be like how I was with you guys, I'll scare the heck out of people. They don't know me like you guys do. Heck, some people already think I'm insane!! And instead of clearing my name, it'll make things worse. I swear I didn't mean to leave you out of it. But the thing is, almost nobody knew. I wasn't even supposed to know about the rumors spreading around about me!! And the thing is, I don't see why I should go around telling people that I've been called this or people say I'm like that. I was upset, yes, you don't know how much, but what's the use bitching about it?? Somehow, maybe, sooner or later, everything would just go away. I hope. And yes, I know you & Michelle want to knock out a few people, those who were responsible for the rumors anyway, to salvage what's left of my reputation. I know. But please, don't. Seriously. I know you will do it even if I didn't ask you to. Michelle nearly did that today, but well, she refrained & I love her for that. Both of you. Anywayz, congrats on being NYP Beau, I'm so proud of you. Come visit me, every Monday, yeah?? I miss you loads, all the ghost stories, you bullying me, everything!! And gosh, I still can't believe you, of all people, could actually carry me until I was vertically upside down that day. Damn you. Udah lama gue nggak ngomong bahasa ini sama kamu, jadi ada sikit terbatas ya, perngomongan kami. Justeru, gue mau praktikkan bahasa ini sama kamu...kamu bisa nolong gue, ya?? Nggak perlu risau, nggak ada cowok lain ya, yang seperti kamu itu. Ahahahakz...

To the rest of GB11, I know we haven't been seeing everyone as a group for so long. Well, maybe you've all met up with each other separately, I don't know. But, I understand now. It's so difficult when you're in a big group & have to constantly remind one another to meet up or have gatherings. Sometimes guys, I wish i wasn't part of FYP. Seriously. Because then, I could still spend at least some of my time with all of you. Now, I'm the 'last man standing' since I don't need to repeat any modules. I'm not trying to brag or anything, but really, sometimes I wish I had at least failed one module. I miss going to jam & I know we kinda have a new member in the group. To Amir, welcome to GB 11. Hope you get to know all of us well & treat us like your own brothers & sisters. But then again, I think you already do.

*Reanactment*
At Aloha Chalet, Changi

Lenny: Siyyallah, where sia that stupid Amir?? Take so long to put on slipper. Bloody hell. Stupid Amir...
Amir: Hey!! Sedap aje ehh, kau panggil aku stupid. Dah lah!! Don't want to go accompany Lenny & Michelle to go home anymore. Emo already...

Ahahahakz. You idiot. Michelle told me you were standing quietly behind the whole time & didn't even tell me. Never mind. We're cool, right?? I gave you my sweets!!

Anywayz. Back to the more sober topic.

To Edwin (Van der Sar), this dude is one of the deepest guys I've ever met. You can talk to him about absolutely anything at all!! And the thing is, he's not chauvinistic in the least. But, damn it, Ee May likes to flirt with him. Hmmm...Bitch. Ahahahahakz!! I like your company & hope all of us can spend more time knowing each other. Yeah, don't worry. I didn't tell her ANYTHING. Okay?? I'm a person of my word so your secret is safe with me & Daphne. I know she's taken & all that, but why not settle for friendship than have nothing at all?? Right?? I mean, seriously. You can't keep something that you never had in the first place.

To Romain Louvet, you're a nice guy. Really. I know sometimes you wish I would just shut up. Right?? I KNOW we might not always agree on the same things but let's not exploit on that, shall we?? I like the time spent with you, even though those aren't many except lunches. However, looking forward with going swimming with you from now. Hopefully. If you still wanna come. You're a sweet guy. I think you already know that, but it bears reminding. Don't sell yourself short, okay?? Like I've told you in the pool, you've got nice dimples. Use them well. Those dimples are gonna be a killer with the ladies. I know you say if you smile then you'd look like an idiot, but really, you look nicer smiling. So smile more, okay?? Ummm...just for the record. Are your eyes green or hazel?? Ahahahakz!! Sorry, just curious. I hope you get well soon. Drink loads of water & take whatever medicine your Daddy packed in for you. And sorry for using up your tissues. I know you had an extra packet with you but, I feel like you needed them more than we did. And hey, those were good tissues, okay?? Carrefour tissues. Made In France, mind you. And according to Louvet, only the best comes from France. Okay, dude. If you say so.

Lastly, to Christophe. Hmpf. Don't know what to say about this one. I think you like irritating me as much as I enjoy frustrating you. I don't know. You sadist. Anywayz, just to clear it, I'm not angry that you bought the shirt or that I lost the bet or whatever you might think. I'm just a little disappointed that YOU didn't look for it yourself. As in, to browse through the shops in S'pore & truthfully declare that you went to find it, because I really thought you were going to do that. Because that's the thrill of the game. I know you don't understand what's the big deal about this & maybe you never will. But well, I guess if that's how you want to play it, as in, with assistance from someone, then I can't stop you, can I?? It's not my right. I'm just a little disappointed, that's all. Seriously, if you couldn't find it, I would've bought it for you & the bet wouldn't matter anymore. I'd rather give you the shirt AND the stupid 20 cents if the shirt meant so much to you. But well, I guess you've got your male ego to preserve. *Shrugs* Then again, I know that on my part, I gave you a lot of crap & please, don't deny for one second that sometimes you just feel like smacking me upside down. I KNOW. I can see it in your face. And don't try to tell me you're joking when you're not because I'm not buying it. I'm sorry. All right?? I know I can be a little too much sometimes.

Like what Romain Louvet said to me in the pool, why didn't I join political science instead of being stuck here just because I've got so much to say?? Hey, are you outta your mind?? You want my house to be bombarded with hate mail?? Or better still, letter-bombs?? I've had enough trying to deal with hateful MSN messages from people whom I'm not even close to or don't even know in the first place!! Don't you think it's jeopardizing enough for me?? Sheesh...

No, I'm not angry. Or emo. I don't want to be emo anymore. Being emo sucks. I hate it. You feel like as though everything isn't going the way you want it to be & that you feel like you'll never be able to get out of that deep, dark hole. Ugh. It's a bad feeling. Mada, now I know how you feel. But then again, you're more emo than me. Ahahahakz...Whoops!! Sorry, Mada...

Anywayz, to wrap all this shit up. To Patrick, Nicolas, Ingrasciotta & Louvet, all the best for your upcoming presentation; Louvet, I know you're stressed but don't worry. Everything will be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. As long as you guys know that you've worked your asses off on your projects, then I guess you've got little to worry about. Don't worry even if halfway through the presentation, you talk in French. Just apologize & go on. It's cool. You can do it, French Fries!! We'll be rooting for ya!! Ahahahakz!!

Laterz...
Lenny JC