A Month Later...

And I went home with three men. I wasn't drunk.

I have finally been caught into the web spun by notorious FitProfs lurking around California Fitness tonight. Just as I was about to step up and begin my workout, this Chinese dude sidestepped me and asked if I wanted a free Fitness Analysis test.

But I just did it a month ago!! No matter, he said it would only take a while and he transferred me to another fellow FitProf, one whom I had not seen before.

Hellooooo, CurledEyelashes, my mind screamed. He was not so bad looking but you know I like to drool over guys. Even though my heart is numb and has no feeling.

We shook hands and proceeded to the lounge, talking as we did. I won't reveal what his real name is because I believe in protecting one's identity so we'll stick to CurledEyelashes. All the FitProfs that I have come into contact with have their own code names.

EgoMoronZul, BuffArmsMazlan, SelengeNorman, UsedToBeDepressed, MuayThaiMuscle, ImpatientGeek, MarcJacobsNerd, CurledEyelashes. Yeah, they've all been tagged. They're The Usual Suspects. The first three people with names aren't even their real names!! Love 'em long time.

I've been frequenting the gym for about a month now but I've never blogged about it because really, it's not a big deal and I can't possibly explain stuff here and expect people to imagine it in their profound minds but I can tell you that every other day that I've been to the gym brings me different stories to tell. Mostly stories about myself being a megaklutz and how the FitProfs find amusement and hilarity at my expense --thanks ehh, guys-- but at the same time still worship my pair of orange Mercurial Vapor IV shoes. Really guys, you can afford it. But you CAN'T buy them because they're MINE.

I would think that if not for these celebrity shoes, nobody would talk to me. Which is fine because in actual fact, I am a shy person and my personal goal was to make sure no one would notice me while I did my workouts.

But, nope. That was not meant to be. Invisibility is not my middle name and neither is it my strong suit. Every time I would try to sneak into the gym and try to be as discreet as possible, someone would call out my name or I would turn a corner and bump into a FitProf. It gets better. FitProfs would actually come to my station and engage me into conversations. It's uncanny how they manage to find me even when I'm in some remote corner. Not that I mind, really because sometimes one could really use the company. But I AM shy.

Anywazoo, CurledEyelashes waited until I was done removing my shoes and socks and as I stood up, my eyes met up with my original FitProf EgoMoronZul and we waved. I got EgoMoronZul during my first orientation and although I harbored a mini crush on him on just the first day, I changed my mind when he turned out to be a lame jerk. I don't do lame people. It was strike two that he was a jerk. It's like, how can I respect you as a professional when you are not?? Dumb jock.

We had butted heads a few times during the course of the month but tonight it seemed like we were both in good spirits. During that Mexican standoff period, I swear, everytime I saw his face I felt like picking a fight with him. Feedz says he's quite the ego and has tons attitude. I couldn't agree more. But you know what?? Bring it, EgoMoronZul.

Anywayz, I found myself getting along with CurledEyelashes very well because he was easy to talk to and wasn't a crapstick like EgoMoronZul. Or I thought we were. Until he called out to EgoMoronZul and to my utmost horrification, EgoMoronZul ambled over. I thought, no way!! So I avoided eye contact by bending over to wear my socks and shoes over again. He actually said something to my head but you know, I didn't know who the heck he was talking to so I didn't respond. Well, it DID sound like he was talking to CurledEyelashes or some other generic person.

When I finally lifted my head, EgoMoronZul was looking at me expectantly and was in the middle of his own monologue. "Were you talking to me?" I asked politely in which he gave me an exasperated look and nodded his head. "Then say, lahh!!" was my retort.

I wasn't really sure why he was there in the first place but as the three of us grabbed a table nearby, it dawned on me that business was about to start. Damn. The package EgoMoronZul had laid out for me was so tempting it was like an expensive dessert waiting for me to dig in.

CurledEyelashes made it even sweeter when EgoMoronZul was away by saying he'd give me free soccer training lessons as a bonus because I had told him I wasn't good at it. I like CurledEyelashes. Such a nice guy.

At one point I did ask CurledEyelashes if he curled his eyeslashes everyday to achieve that look and well, the look he gave was of half flabbergast and half male amusement. I had to ask!! There was no way a guy's eyelashes could be that curled up!! I thought Nini's was curled but even though hers are longer than his, apparently his curled up more.

Even as I bitched at them for being prime con artists burning a hole in my pocket I knew deep down that I needed this thing. I hated to admit it but I really REALLY needed help. And someone to count for me as I do my reps. I'm just not good with numbers. Yeah, I'm an airhead that way.

So you're asking how I ended up going home with three men and which of the three men did I end up going home with??

It's like this. I was buying pills with EgoMoronZul and haggling about getting a discount to no avail because EgoMoronZul is as such as his name implies. While I was trying my damndest not to deck the jock with the bottle of pills I was holding, CurledEyelashes popped up from behind EgoMoronZul all dressed and ready to get home. Because I knew CurledEyelashes stayed somewhere near the east, I asked if he needed a ride home and he said there was no need since he and MuayThaiMuscle were going to Tong Seng across the street.

By the way, this was when EgoMoronZul was talking to me about something related to the pills and obviously I wasn't interested in whatever he had to say so CurledEyelashes was a distraction from him. Bitchy, I know but EgoMoronZul really deserves no less. Besides, he's got a thick skin so sometimes I think what I say to him just bounces off his muscular chest.

As I sat myself on the stools and paid for my pills, EgoMoronZul came over and in a low tone --I don't even know how that was possible because he already has a deep voice-- asked again if I drove here and my drawled-out reply included a question to him if he wanted a ride home. Of course the jerk asked if he could tompang my car!! And of course I was okay with it because he too, stays in the East and I always have this belief that if you're living in a common area, you should go home with people who stay in the same common area as you. No matter if you're driving or taking the public transport. It makes for better company.

Although my mouth was itching for a spiteful remark somewhere along the lines of him having no shame after all that conning but I was dead on my feet and bone tired and so was he. He told me to wait for him while he changed into civilian clothes. I chatted with MuayThaiMuscle and CurledEyelashes as I waited and when I told them I was sending EgoMoronZul home, their eyes lit up like the lights you see during Hari Raya and Christmas. Apparently their dinner venue had changed to Simpang Bedok instead and of course since I was heading towards that direction would I mind dropping them off too??

Like, reaaaaaaally??

They're so lucky I enjoy being a driver more than I do a passenger. They're not bad passengers; they're just a little on the heavy side so I had to burn a bit more fuel when little Bumblebee was going up the slope to get to the ECP. He is but a mere 1CC, not a gas guzzling two-litre like Monsterr(r).

Anywazoo as of now, MuayThaiMuscle is my official trainer after much lecehness on EgoMoronZul's part. This guy, I swear I WILL give him a tight bitchslap one day. I should've ran him over with Bumblebee instead of sending him home. But then again, his blood might splatter all over Bumblebee and make Bumblebee look like a box of melted cheese nachos topped with Mexican chili.

Ohh, decisions, decisions.

Laterz...
Lenny

P.S. I made the boys listen to Take That's Beautiful World concert in the car. *evil laugh* And of course no one knew ANY of the songs and CurledEyelashes even asked me if that was Boyzone playing. No matter, I still had a hoot and a kick of sheer delight. You could feel the silence in the car and the voices in their heads going, "What the effing hell is this?? Chick music??" What a night.