If God Gave Me A Choice Of Animals To Be, What Would I Choose??

Again, in conjunction with the GB Family blogs, this topic was posed by yours truly & was supposed to actually be posted up like, two weeks ago. Yeah, my bad. Who woulda thunk that my return to school could tire me out even though we've only just begun. But, it's true. God knows when the heck did school become so taxing. And I find myself almost continuosly being lured to skive off from classes -shhh!! Don't tell the lecturers!!- just to sit behind the lecture theatres & slack.

Well, how can one not be drained when you've got an almost-stalker from your own class to fend off?? Yeah, you heard me right. Such & I somehow found ourselves stuck with this idiot who seemed to have an aversion to being overly friendly with us, constantly letting us catch a glimpse of his leer which not only looked perverted, in my opinion, but just downright psychotic.

It's one thing for this guy to go around flashing his freaky grin at girls, but to tell another guy that he is being missed is just plain twisted. Yeah, this time Raizan was the alleged victim. Hell yeah, he was freaked out!! And the guy was my supposed to be my 'saviour' to 'protect' me from that creep.

My hero. *rolls eyes*

However, today's bitching isn't exactly about our stalker. I guess I'll save that piece of rant for a rainy day when I'm pumped up for a session of bitching. I swear, he is going to get one from me. I'm not afraid, I'm just flat-out annoyed with this perp.

Anywayz, back to the topic at hand. If God ever really did give me a choice of animals to be, I would definitely have a hard time selecting my choices. Therefore, I thank my lucky stars that He didn't. Narrowing down my choices, here are the animals I would like to be. In no preferred order, my picks are the horse, the lion & the killer whale.

No, my prefrence for the horse has NOTHING to do with Ruud van Nistelrooy whom almost everyone -including me, I guess- claims looks like a horse.

In my opinion, the horse represents the spirit of freedom; wild, unbridled & untamed. Picture a wild mustang galloping through the plains, its hooves a steady staccato pounding the earth; its shiny coat gleaming in the sun as it literally rides through the winds. The horse portrays an image of majestic strength, confidence & perseverance in even the toughest conditions. And oooh, that lush strip of long, flowing mane!! I would kill for my hair to be like that; no matter how much I run, my hair would never be out of place of get tangled!!

And there's the fact that my speed is used to measure that of the speed of cars. Imagine that!! Well duhh, where did you think the term horsepower came from??

Then there's those powerful limbs, potent enough to knock a person out & inflict pain to those who deserve it. A horse, although one of the gentlest creatures are easily startled & could turn volatile if provoked. And you so do not want to be behind a volatile horse. Imagine me as a pricky steed which has just been aggravated by some dickhead -be it human or animal. If attacked from behind, I'd instinctively lift my hindquarters & deliver a swift kick to the culprit.

If it was from the front, I'd probably raise myself up on my back limbs, neigh a little & just slam myself down onto the idiot responsible for disturbing my peace. I might crush a few of his ribs & break a few of his bones or even be capable or killing him. Hey, it's not impossible. Think of my hooves as my pink Timberland boots. Only this time, I've got 4 of them instead of 2. *lets out an evil laugh*

But of course I wouldn't be hostile to everything & everyone. As a horse, I am expected to help Mankind & help Mankind I would. Unless I was a wild mustang, of course. I assume there are nicer human beings out there, like children. And the disabled. Horses have been known to provide therapy for the physically disabled & children alike. It seems that horses have an air or peace & calm around them which brings comfort to the rider. And children seem to love & get excited around horses, so I wouldn't mind lending my services to those whom are willing to try out in the horsemanship department. Furthermore, kids love to give out treats like apples & sugar cubes. Yummy!!

Rounding up the cattle would also be my forte if I were a farm horse; I guess this would mean I'd play the role of the hunter going after those cows as my rider steers me to encircle them into a tight group.

But please, no Blue Ribbon competitions!! I will not go prancing around in a ring wearing clothes akin to that of clowns & parade myself in front of a panel of judges who want to see me jump fences or trot about at the pace set to their liking. No way. I don't need to show off my skills by winning medals just to prove something that I'm good at. Nor would I want a jockey strapped to my back, whipping me to gallop at breakneck speed just to cross the finishing line first & get money that wasn't meant for me.

Do you know that many horses go lame if they are running at breakneck speed & get into an accident?? Spraining their legs in one thing, but once a horse goes lame, they're branded useless. It's even more unfortunate if the horse is still young & has tons of years ahead of him.

So, I think the best type of horse to be is a wild mustang. Where I am able to run free, graze wherever I want, away from being mistreated by inconsiderate humans. Well, I wouldn't want to end up like Black Beauty or even Spirit. You know, first you're a wild mustang, then you get caught but you escape from your captivators just to be caught again. It's damn tiring.

I really admire Spirit's demeanour of never going down without a fight. Not once did he ever surrender himself easily when he was held captivated. The fire in his eyes never diminished & yeah, okay I know it's a cartoon but still. Even though he was literally the prey, he didn't acknowledged it outright. Stubborn to the core. Heh. A little like me, I guess. Sometimes, I think I give stubborn a whole new meaning.

So, should I be an all-black Arabian?? Or a golden Andalusian?? A buckskin Tennessee Walker?? Or a chestnut Thoroughbred?? Hmmm...so many to choose from!! Tell you what, you be the judge. And I'll just get on with my second animal. But please arh, no curly-haired horses. There is no such thing.

First I was a herbivore. Now, I am choosing to be an all-rounded carnivore. The lions are the biggest in the cat family & are kings of the jungle. I guess this has something to do with me bing a full-fledged Leo. The traits of the lion kinda reminds me of myself & I think, almost everyone agrees with it. Right?? RIGHT!!?? *glares pointedly*

Lions usually live in a pride of ten or more & in the human context of it, it means being in a family. And just like the lion, family is important to me. In a pride, all the lions depend on one another. Especially when they go out for hunts on a regular basis. Since they have to divide a herd of say, impala, then they would split up the pride; one group wreaking havoc on the impala while the others quickly pick out the stragglers or the weak & pounce upon their prey.

Not that I am a hunter of sorts. I'd rather have my meal placed before me on a plate & cooked, thank you very much.

I don't know why the lion is associated as a proud creature, I've never thought of them like that. Is it because of the way the male flounces around its golden luxurious mane?? Or the way it struts around the savannah, parading itself to attract the attention of females?? *shrugs*

However, there is nothing better than to see a snarling lion. Sure, other big cats snarl as well. But compared to the lion, the rest of them look like kitty cats. Believe it or not, due to the luxury of having Animal Planet installed, I've pretty much been watching some cat shows & compared the snarl of a lion to that of a cheetah. Trust me, you don't want to get in the way of a snarling lion.

And for the record, yes, I do snarl. When I don't like something or when I'm not very happy with a particular person, I bare my sharp fangs & razor claws. And roar. Heh. Like duhh, nobody asked you to provoke me. It's just my retaliation reaction. Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh.

Being a lion would mean that everybody would be afraid of me & I wouldn't be afraid of anyone. Well, maybe by a herd of stampeding elephant. Okay, and humans.

Lions were once viewed as man-eaters thanks to this idiot called Colonel Patterson. Just because a certain type of lion called the Tsavo lion happened to eat up 29 of his Indian workers whom were supposed to be constructing a railway line for the British in Africa. Like, come on. We're talking about lion country; it's what Africa was known for. Its where the wild life roam free. What, did you think the lions in Africa were the size of Persian cats?? So, who's fault was it if you don't educate your workers when entering foreign territory?? *rolls eyes*

I think there was a time when the entire population of Tsavo lions were almost wiped out, but now it's slowly gaining recovery. The same could be said of some other endangered animals but we shan't get into that, shall we??

And come on, lions don't only hunt. They hunt when they're hungry, which is probably likely to be in the night. Most of the time, they spend the days playing amongst themselves & especially the cubs whom are trained to view regard 'playtime' as a means of sharpening their hunting skills. In short, it's all in the thrill of the hunt.

Usually after the hunt, the male has the last say on who gets to eat. So, practically everyone is chased away by him, especially if he's the dominant one but he'll usually let the cubs stay on to feast.

In case you were wondering, The Lion King is indeed one of my favorite childhood movies of all time. I just love Simba. *sighz dreamily* That was like, the best Disney 'fairytale' movie ever. Because I can't really picture myself to be any of the princesses from the other fairytales. Other than Belle from Beauty & the Beast whom has her head up in the clouds & her nose in her book.

Okay, I digress.

Erm, but I'm not supposed to be Simba lahh; according to the GB Family, I'm Nala. But, NOT really looking for Simba, thanks.

By the way, there's also this rare breed of lions that are white. Yeah, white lions. Although they're not albino lions, they do have this syndrome called leucism. No, they're not retarded, just a little more special than the rest. Records shows less than a hundred of these beautiful cats walking around. Pretty unteresting. Man, I'd like to see one of those lions up close some day.

Wouldn't it be great if I could be a lion for one day?? I could scare the heck out of everybody & never worry much about territorial disputes. I've got no problems living with an extended family, plus I am not the one being hunted. Although the thought of eating raw meat day in, day out is enough to make me puke. And the thought of killing innocent animals for my survival is also stomach-wrenching. After all, lions are very capable of bringing even a full-grown elephant down. *turns a little green*

Okay, so my first two animals were from the land. Now, it's time to delve into the deep blue & evolve into something with a dorsal fin & two flippers. If you were thinking dolphin, think again. I think I am a little too big to be a dolphin. Killer whale more like it. Yep, this is my third animal to be. And come to think of it, being a killer whale -or orca- sounds a little better than my two previous animals.

First of all, there are two major groups of orcas. The transient ones & the resident ones; transients move around the cold waters of the world while residents mainly stay in one area except during migration periods. I think I'd prefer to be in the resident orca category because that way, I wouldn't be having a furry harbor seal or an innocent emperor penguin for lunch. As a resident killer whale, my main diet would only consist of fish, squid & krill.

And killer whales are sooooo human-friendly. Think Free Willy. Another of my all-time favorite movies. Even though Keiko died in the end. Poor thing.

Anywayz, if I were to be a transient killer whale, it would mean I was almost an extreme predator. Transients have been known to feed not only larger mammals but even on other whales. It's cannibalistic!! I would never eat another human!! Ewwwww. Those poor innocent baleen whales.

Killer whales travel in pods where the family is a tight-knit group. But usually, the females would stick together with their babies & once a male calf has reached its maturity age, it is cast out of its pod to go find a family of his own. Only then can he rejoin his pod, which includes his mate & probably a calf or two.

The hunting ways of the orca are quite interesting. They use echolocation to detect their prey, just like how dolphins communicate. So, as soon as a schoal of fish are spotted, the pod splits into two separate & smaller groups. One group would swim on the same wavelength as the schoal while the other guards the space below it. Slowly, the group on top forces the fish to form themselves into a tight ball & manipulates the fish to swim downwards, where the other group awaits.

As soon as there is virtually no way of escape for the ball of fish, the orcas take turns to slam the ball with their massive flukes, stunning the fish. With every thunk, petrified fish float away from the ball & the orcas grab the fish quickly until only the scales are left.

If you think that was killing at its most brutal, that was nothing. The transients kill their prey by literally flinging them out of the water several times & catching them again. In other words, they treat their prey like playthings. Like the lions, its all part of the thrill of the hunt for these transients. Transients even risk beaching themselves just so they get their catch of the day.

The thing with orcas is, you can never tell what their feelings are. They always have that comical expression on their patchy faces, it's obviously hard to decipher. But, bear in mind that orcas are very revengeful. Because of how tight-knit they are with one another, they harbor the if-you-hurt-mine-you-die attitude.

Orcas can carry a huge chip on their shoulders & if one of them gets harmed, the tormentor would pay. It's also due to the fact that they have highly photographic memory & would have no problem recognizing, let's say, a human, if that particular human had hurt one of their kind. And they would not stop until they get their revenge. Run as far as he may, these intelligent creatures would hunt him down.

I would so love to lob anyone with my fluke if that person happened to hurt me or mine; or maybe even use my somewhat sharp teeth. The good, solid smack from the tailfluke of an angry orca is potent enough to kill. They may not be ferocious animals, but never take hospitality for granted.

But then again, the fear of humans is enough reason for me not to want to be an orca. As a whale, I sure as hell don't want to be captured & put in a tank that in my whale opinion, is only as big as a bathtub. And to be providing humans with entertainment?? No way!! Why do they need to use me for entertainment, anywayz?? I'll probably be mistreated & die of infection in that bathtub of a tank. Didn't Keiko get infection when he was filming Free Willy?? Yeah, so what if he got released in the end?? He died anywayz. Because he was too used to the human environment that he couldn't re-adapt to the wild.

And his fin became flaccid & floppy!! Imagine that. Because us whales need that vast amount of space so our dorsal fins stand upright. It's the force of the water & the speed of which we are travelling to keep our fins straight & not droopy. Why do you think we move around all year?? With a tank of small proportions, it hampers the speed of which we would orthodoxically be travelling when in open oceans. Like duhh, in a tank like that, we just swim round & round, looking like a couple of idiots chasing their flukes.

And what of my family?? I'd be separated from my pod & I'd never be able to see my family again. That is guaranteed, 99.99%. Because, I'd either die in that tank or my pod would never accept me again.

Bah!! Humans. Only thinking of their own gain.

So, I guess that rounds up our edition of being an animal. Finally, I got this done. Yessssssarh!! I'm pretty fortunate to be born a human. If I were an animal, everyday would not be a safe day for me. I'd have to worry about looking for my dinner or whether I'd be the one ending up as someone else's dinner, whether I'd have to shift to other places because it isn't suitable for me any longer, whether or not my children would live up to their first birthday or would they be eaten up along the way.

Damn, it's tough being an animal. Enough to give me gray hair. If animals ever had any.

Laterz...
Lenny JC