Aaaarrrgghhh!!! Cannot tahan anymore!! Must go library already, no matter what!! Hell, I'll just DIEEE without reading any books. This is like the longest dry spell I've gone on without reading books & it's driving me nuts!! I've cancelled my going-away barbecue 'coz I've really no mood to do it & my Mom refuses to support me. These days I've been walking around eggshells with my parents & for God knows what reasons, we've been giving each other the cold shoulders. I'm not talking, I hardly talk anymore; I either nod my head, shake head, tilt my mouth sideways or do any motion with my head or shoulders. I'm sure it gets frustrating after a while. For them. Everytime they say something, I have no response. Either I do the motions or if they ask me to do something, I do it. Without any comments, response or reaaction whatsoever. These days, I'm just void of emotion around them. Until finally yesterday my Mom pointed out that I've been moody these days. And you just realized?? Geez. I feel like I'm emotionally stuck in a prison cell. My parents were the ones who brought this on. Ever since Dad saw them bloody pictures. I feel like going to Mummy Lin's house & hiding there forever. Mom even galled to suggest that since I was being so temperamental, I should just cancel the barbecue & the trip to Thailand & just stay at home. Oh yeah, she'd like that, wouldn't she?? That way if I'm at home, I'd feel useless & have virtually nothing to do & then she can start scolding me all the more & claiming that I don't do work around the house. Yeah, I could see that coming. Tomorrow's the day the Chill Clubberz are gonna say their final farewell goodbyes to me. But I'm not sure if I can go. Well, hello?? What if the 2 tyrants say no? Who am I to defy them?? The most I can do is cry in my room & blame them for everything. Raya is turning out to be trash. And suddenly I hate Raya. I don't mind Ramadhan but suddenly Raya is an evil monster. Yesterday, I went to Nanny's just to take back my camera charger & for the whole half hour that I was there, the old woman put me under so much duress I just wanted to get up & walk out. I really regretted going there alone. Leave me the hell alone!! Don't mistake me, I love my grandmother but really sometimes she's just like my Mom; she doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut & draw the line. Well, of course my Mom's like her!! They're cut out from the same gene pool!! *slaps forehead* So now you know why I've chosen this song. I'm digging this, yo!! Seriously, I just can't wait to get my butt out of Singapore, get away from all this madness that is contributing to my insanity. I had a mild depression yesterday. After talking to Nini who hasn't called for a long time, then Jan & Such, I felt really better. Especially after Jan kinda knocked some sense into me. She knows all about depression, that girl. I really envy her sometimes; she's just so strong & resilient. I'm trying to get a grip over myself & pull myself together for the sake of me. I'm not the happy person that I used to be & I want all that to change. I really don't want to stay in this stupid dark realm of sadness & melancholy when I can be happy & carefree.Life's too short for that. I just hope that these 3 weeks in Thailand would do me some good. Laterz... Lenny JC